Cool

I have always wanted to be "cool." Not "Fonzie" cool but more like eccentric cool. I don't drink wine. I don't go to poetry readings. I don't even particularly like poetry -- though I write it. Odd, yes? Sure, but no one knows this little quirk so it's nothing that actually makes me "cool." I want to like documentaries. I really do. I want to read obscure novels. Watch independent films. Read the old literary geniuses of Tolstoy, etc. I have the capability to do all of this. What I don't have is the follow through. The dedication. The oomph. Rather, I read CNN all day. I watch "The Deadliest Catch" over and over. I could probably be a crab fisherman at this rate. I drink Dt. Dr. Pepper by the case, augmented by water on occasion. I'm not terribly witty -- though at times I do have strokes of genius. Sometimes I want to blame Gary... but the truth is it's not as if he STOPS me from doing any of the "cool" things. It's just I don't want to be cool alone. Don't cool people have entourages? Fellow cool folks with whom they discuss random films, books, essays and the like? I can't do that. That would require me actually mingling with people. Something I just do not do. I don't even mingle online. When the March Mamas have a chat, I rarely attend. I love all-- ok most -- of them, but I get nervous in a chat room with them all. That's an entire other post though. Anyway, I'll never be as cool as I want to be. Art museums would bore me. Wine tastings would give me a headache. Indie movies are interesting, but I just can't sit through a two hour movie where I need to pay attention to every line, every nuance in order to get the movie. I'm doomed to be boring. I keep typing hoping I'll find a cool way to end this post. I can't.