Saturday, October 07, 2006

Everytime... Everday

Everyday.... Every time
Every time Gunner cries out of the blue and says, "Daddy miss you."
Every time I look outside and see a car slowly driving down my street.
Every time my home phone rings (no one knows the number but Gary).
Every time he comes to mind.

EVERY TIME THOSE THINGS HAPPEN I FEAR THAT HE'S HURT OR DEAD. I cannot stand the thought of losing him. I'm so scared and halfway convinced I'm going to be widowed. I seriously would die if something happened to him.

I can't really tell the other wives this because I don't want them to think I'm a baby. Or to put fear in them.

I WANT MY HUSBAND HOME!!! (A sentiment echoed by so many other wives)

** Today I saw a soldier that had been in Gary's company. He used to come over for dinner quite often before they were deployed. He is home because he was injured. He is supposed to recover. When he walked in, I just hugged him tight and welcomed him home. The funny thing is I didn't want to let him go. I know that two weeks ago or so he was with Gary. I know he used Gary's laptop, so vicariously touched Gary. To me, that was the closest I'd come to being near my husband in forever. OMG I MISS HIM SO MUCH**


Deana said...

Lin, I am sorry I can only imagine how hard this is. I bet you could talk to the wives, I am sure they have the same exact fears even if they dont voice them either.

hyka's mess said...

Lin, I think if I were in your shoes, I'd have the exact same fears! Like Deana said, I suspect the other wives feel the same way and just don't voice it. ((BIG HUGS)) and lots of prayers to bring Gary home really soon! Luv ya girl!

Anonymous said...

I can't wait until the day you tell us that is he is home safely in yr arms and with the little one on his lap:)

Susan Davis said...

I'd have hugged him, too. That's so touching.

My fear is the same... to be a widow. Not that I'd mind the whole widow thing, but I'd miss my Oliver. I could experience anything in life as long as he's by my side.

I wish this was over now.

Oli said they got mortared on his first day at the camp. I don't worry constantly, but some times it hits me that he may never come home. In general, though, I give it to the Lord. What in the world would I do with the weight of that burden on my shoulders? I know that if God wants Oli to come home, then by golly, he'll come home even if he was the target of a thousand bullets or missiles. I can't even imagine the danger he's in right now... but I try to convince myself that he's safe.

Man, Lin... you just keep on keeping on... this will be all over soon. I just know it will.

primarycat said...

I can't imagine what a mess I'd be if I were in your shoes. I would've hugged him too. Every day is another day closer to him coming home and I can't wait to hear all about it when he does. (((Big hugs))

Mimi said...

I'm sorry that your hubby can't be there with you. I can totally understand that you miss him. I would have all the same fears,too. Hang in there.