Saturday, October 14, 2006

I have a confession...

I have a confession that is not going to make me look too good. About eight years ago, I had an affair with a married man. His name is Rich. Through the years, we have kept in touch. I met him online. It was right after my first marriage. I knew at the time I was wrong. We have NOT had any sexual contact since way before Gary. His wife found out about his indiscretions. Basically we keep in touch via email every few months. Nothing sexual... just a "how are you" thing. I tell this because of the following:

Tonight he caught me online. We were chatting and I just had to talk to him about the situation. I asked him about us. See, he told me about two years after knowing me that he was in love with me, but could never leave his wife. This was long, long after our last encounter. Tonight I talked to him on the phone. Was it wrong, yes! But here's what I came away with. He said that all during his dalliance with me, he had feelings for me and eventually loved me, but would have NEVER left his wife. He said that regardless of what Gary thinks about my body, I need to remember that I am beautiful -- I needed to hear that. I reminded him I was fat. Of course he knew this, he's been with me. He said that my body was my body, to accept myself. He pointed out that when he met me I was so confident and lively. He's noticed over the past six years I've been more withdrawn. He pointed out a great many things. He also said that he was sure what Gary did was not "cheating" in Gary's eyes and that men don't think right sometimes.

Basically he told me that my marriage was not over. That his marriage made it through. I needed to hear that from someone who has seen me, been with me, touched me and could remind me I have been attractive to men before.

I was wrong, yes I know. I hope no one hates me for this.


Susan Davis said...

I don't hate you. I cheated on my boyfriend in high school with his best friend. However, I don't talk to anyone I've ever been with or dated, but considering your circumstances, I can see why you find comfort in talking with this man. I do think that maybe your conversations with this man might put you on a similar plane with Gary and unless you're completely honest with Gary about your friend, you are no better than he is concerning this inappropriate contact with others.

On the other hand, yes, your marriage can be saved. If you think you can forgive him, and if he wants to be forgived, then you can do it. Everyone needs to put their cards on the table and say how they honestly feel. I hope you had luck today with trying to contact Gary.

God bless you. I support you, love you, and pray for you!!!

Susan Davis said...

forgived should be forgiven, but maybe in the south is really is forgived

Deana said...

I am hoping that this whole experience will be something that in the long road helps you and Gary get your marriage on the right track. You need to have intimacy in your marraige for it to truly succeed, when that is missing people make wrong choices. I really hope this will be the beginning of a better marrage for both of you. It is in your power to make it better, its not too late, I know you guys both truly love each other.

On The Losing Side said...

Gary actually knew I Rich contacted me via email on occassion. Rich and I have not been sexual since way before I knew Gary; therefore, I don't feel in this instance I'm on the same plane as Gary. I was wrong eight years ago for having the affair, true. But I do not see how talking to Rich, someone Gary knows I've talked to, was anything near what Gary did.

No... I have had no contact with him. The last I heard the lines are shut down at his FOB. One of the other wives was able to confirm this.

Susan Davis said...

I see; well that's good that Gary knows. I take back what I said. I thought that it was a secretive thing.


Tara said...

I am not in the place to say much, but, you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. You are a very good person and you are a very beautiful friend to me.
I know you will make it work out and I pray for Gary to see what he has done and work on making it right with you. You don't deserve any of this. Nobody does!

Michelle (Shell) said...

You know that my heart breaks for what you are going through. And I will try to support you.

BUT....its really hard for me to read about you having an affair, and its hard for me to understand the continual contact. Its really your own business, and your own free agency :(

But as a betrayed spouse who is trying to fix a marriage. That kind of contact as innocent as it is....still could cause problems in a delicate marriage.

But please don't be mad, that just the way I feel...Come on you know I am sooo sensitive about this stuff...Just ask Tara I practically ripped her head off :)