Thursday, October 19, 2006

Update

I kept logging onto the website where Gary was emailing w/those women. I even emailed a few and told them to back off. Childish, I know. Their emails were ugly. The two women I emailed were rude and basically said if I knew how to please a man.... well you can figure it out. This account was impossible to close (sexsearch.com). Finally I got smart. I realized I was torturing myself for no reason. I gave my sister the log in information and had her change the password. She has been instructed by me to NOT give me the password regardless of what I say, do or beg. I cannot stop myself on my own.

In the meantime, Gary has called more often. He has been online everyday. He has always been online when he could be. He swears he will never do this again. At this point, I have to believe it. Sometimes you just have to have faith. The faith I have in him is very, very tenuous.

He won't be home until March. The official word has not been handed down yet but I'm 99.99% sure that they'll be extended. Otherwise, he'd be home in five weeks. Instead, it's six more months of being apart and worrying about him.

4 comments:

Susan Davis said...

That was a good idea letting your sister handle the password. I know it's hard to stay away from that junk. It's like looking at a bad accident on the road; we're tempted to do it even though it's a horrible sight.

And good luck with your trust in Gary. Just be on the lookout for a while just in case.

HUGS!

Carie said...

when I first found Kens account my heart broke, I was so angry and all mixed up inside...I did what you did, I kept going back to the sites even after Ken and I were ok...I still find myself wanting to, I don't, but sometimes I wonder if I don't because I trust him or beause I am afraid of what I will find...I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this...and you were smarter than me to let someone else have the account info...always here for you

lorelei said...

i wish i could give you a big hug right now. i went through this same thing with miki's father. it was so hard to find stuff especially when he would lie. i hope all works out for the best.

Mimi said...

Trust is such a hard thing to give completely. I probably would do the same thing you did. I hope it works out, sometimes it's hard not to torture ourselves over something that we know we can't help.