Monday, October 16, 2006

My Letter to Gary

I've shared everything else, this is what I just emailed him. I mean everyword of it. I am not taking blame for what he did, I'm letting him know that I forgive him. We have both made mistakes.

Elixir ~

I want you to know how much I love you. You are my everything. We have been through a lot together as a couple and still we are in love. I know I haven't always been the best wife, but please know that being your wife is all I have wanted since probably a week after knowing you.

I will never forget the first time I realized I wanted you to love me. I was making my old muse bed (remember the one w/the muse divet?) and I was at the bottom left corner (ironically the same side of the bed you'd eventually sleep on when we got our own bed). I was making the bed and all of a sudden I thought how awesome it would be to hear you say "I love you Little Muse." At the time, I thought that would never happen. Now, nearly six years later, I have heard it so many times -- but not enough. I say not enough because there will never be enough days in our life for me to hear how much you love me.

I fell in love with you because of your calm demeanor, your sense of honor and loyalty to those you chose to be so. To this day, I love those very things about you. I do not want you to ever think that what just happened has changed that. You are one of the most honorable and loyal people. A falter here and there does not make you any less my Elixir than you ever have been. For ever having made you feel less than perfect for me, I apologize. I do not expect you to be perfect... you're perfect for me.

Thank you for standing by me during my weight gain, weight loss, depression, anger... everything. Thank you for loving me for who I am.

There's a song (not sure by who) that has the lines "things I always thought you didn't know about me, turned out to be the things you always understood." I listen to that song and cry for missing you. It starts out "I hope you're doing well out there w/out me... because I'm not doing so good w/out you." That's true. I'm doing fine day by day, but there is a hole in my heart from missing you.

You are, and will always be, the only man in my heart.


(and I'm actually becoming little!)


Susan Davis said...

That is a very sweet letter.

You are such a loving person and so good, too.

You're handling this better than I ever could.

primarycat said...

Lin, I admire you for standing by him for better and for worse. I can only imagine how hard it is to have to deal with this. I'm so glad it's working out.

topanga1977 said...

That is such a sweet letter. You can really feel your love for him thru it. I think everything will work out great for you! You deserve it!

Carie said...

Its a beautiful letter...keeping you all in my thoughts

Tara said...

That's so beautiful Lin. I think it's awesome that you guys are working through this.

Mimi said...

Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you. I hope you are doing okay.