Monday, March 12, 2007


* It seems when Gary is out in the field, Gunner gets some kind of stomach flu. Today's is worse than usual. He's thrown up six times in five hours. Nothing he eats or drinks stays down.

* I got an anonymous email from a Yahoo account telling me that my "postiness" on the board I frequent was stupid. That I was being a hypocrite because I had accused Tara of only posting when she was bored or something. Lately I've posted more because Gary's gone. I have a few ideas of who might've sent it, but no real proof. It hurts, but oh well.

* I have sucked at losing weight. I have gained 2lbs. I need to really get on the wagon. Being able to eat more is really tough. It was easier when I had few to no choices. Technically, my surgery is a success as I have lost over 50% of my excess weight.

* I am sick. I have a cold/flu thing. I'm going to go to the doctor tomorrow. Vicky will help me with Gunner as I'm going to try to get him in too. I would wait it out a few more days for myself but I'm just run down and feel like CRAP.

* My counselor just isn't cutting it for me. She's using "cognitive therapy" and I'm not really feeling it. I feel like her answers or suggestions are never that... it's hard to explain. I need to talk to her about it. And about why I'm supposed to see her weekly but end up seeing her every six week. Again, I feel as if my care -- mental health wise -- is being overlooked.

* I am sick of the Army and those in charge. I can't believe that a General or Colonel or whoever makes the decisions has forgotten what it was like to be in touch w/the troops themselves. Didn't most, if not all, start out as 1LT and work their way up. How can you forget from where you come. I have a friend, Oliver, who I just don't think would ever do that. PLEASE OLIVER, DON'T DO THAT. :)

* I haven't had the nerve to tell Gayla she hurt my feelings during Christmas. She even asked if I was mad at her and I said no. I have to let her know what's going on and why.

* I've been so tired lately. I am going to the doctor's this week anyway and I'm going to ask him to run some blood work on my sugar levels. Just to double-check on the diabetes. They were cured after the surgery, but Dr. B. told me they could come back.

* I miss Gary. I am lonely. I'm even lonely when he's here. But at least if he were here, he could help w/Gunner.

* I hate Ft. Polk and so many people are getting out of here and we're stuck here. I keep telling Gary there's a reason that God just hasn't shown us. I may not be a church goer, but I do believe God has good things in store for my family.

* Just got back from the ER. They gave us both good drugs.


Susan Davis said...

Hi Lin.

I agree that they're not taking your emotional health seriously. What can we do to make sure you get the help and attention you need? Do they know you cut yourself? I'd be amazed if they know that and they didn't do something to help more.

I know how you feel about losing weight. It's not easy, and sometimes the scale doesn't tell us how truly healthy and strong we are. You've come this far. Work harder, but like you did here, also compliment and encourage yourself. You look so great!!!!!

I have a friend who hurt me recently. Some friends I can speak my mind to, but some I don't feel like we're close enough. It's easy to say just tell her, but really... sometimes I feel my friend will get offended and won't want to be friends anymore. That's extreme, but the bottom line is I don't feel comfortable expressing myself fully to her.

You want out of Ft. Polk, I want in. Have I lost my mind?

I hope you have a good week and you and Gunner start feeling better!

hyka's mess said...

Hope Gunner feels better!

WHO would say something about your postiness? Thats a crock. I enjoyed your extra postiness.... sure breaks up my day ... ;)

Get to feeling better and take Gunner to a track or something for a walk. Put him in his stroller and go .... I've been walking at work with one of my co-workers ... he's x-army and apparently a x drill instructor kinda guy .... Pain in the ass he is ... ;)

BIG HUGS to you!