Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Strippers... Yes Strippers

I've lived here for three years. Three long, grueling, horrible, humid years... but I digress. In the three years I've been here, I've noticed the multitude of strip clubs in this little town. After seeing a lot of the local women, I often mused to Gary, "just who ARE these strippers?" Leesville can't exactly be described as a city of beautiful people. Though it DID win an award back in 1995 as the cleanest city. I know this fact based on the drab, weather-beaten signs that are so proudly displayed throughout town. It's sad, like a not-so-gracefully aged beauty queen still wearing her tiara... but again I digress. Back to the strippers.

After three years of wondering, I can finally wonder no more. Though frankly, sometimes not having the answer to a question is better than having the answer. Last night my friend Ryan ... you know Ryan of X-Inferis ( http://www.myspace.com/stiffjimmy) [and yeah, that's a shameless plug for Ryan's band... of which I hear is awesome. Though I have yet to hear it] was on this podcast/webcast thingee. Not really sure what it was but here is the link http://www.freakandgeekshow.com/main2.html. Being the curious kind of girl that I am, I wondered what it was that Ryan did when he wasn't doing... well whatever it is Ryan does. Curious enough to even go to Gary's office and use his computer since mine has no sound. After about 10 minutes of watching this lively little show my three year long question of what local stripping talent looked like was answered.

Folks, it ain't pretty. I'm not sure what I was expecting. Really I'm not sure. I figured they wouldn't be that hot. But I expected them to be... oh I don't know.. PRETTY? Maybe have decent bodies? Now, I'm not saying I am stripper material. God no. That is barfy. But see that's my point exactly -- Girls, ladies, women.. KNOW YOUR LIMITS. If your ass still jiggles after you stopped moving, that's not talent. That's too much beer, too much chocolate, too much good eats at Sonic. And the chick with the bikini top and the boobs that were about as saggy as mine (uhm btw I have lost 180lbs so I'm entitled to some saggy flesh.. sexy, no?)... well couldn't she have done her hair before coming to work? Maybe tossed on some Maybelline?

Jealous you ask? Nope. I saw one of them do some "dancing." I'm relatively sure I could do that. Heck, I gave it a try and Gary gave me a credit card (don't ask where he swiped it). Anyway I guess my answer to strippers is now answered.

I summed it up best when I said to Gary, "The strippers on Billy Goat Hill (where the strip club is located) are so unappealing, not even a goat would eat them." (Sadly, I feel the need to explain that goats are known to eat about anything).


This concludes my stripper observation. Though I would like to give them kudos (and not the snack) for having the confidence to do that job. Looks can largely be irrelevant if you have the confidence to back it up. Oh and if moving flesh when one has stopped moving is a talent, I consider myself tops in the field.

2 comments:

Carie said...

lol to funny...I always wondered what kind of guy picked up the hookers over on G street heer in my town (they are all so so so ugly lol) but apparently alot do cause they always are getting arrested in stings lol...

I just noticed your new profile pic and I must say you look amazing...you look happy in that picture, a twinkle in your eye...you go girl ;)

Slick said...

Strippers here in the ATL aren't "all that" either....

Course, I probably put one's kid through college in my younger days.

Uh, I'm not saying anything else