How To Make A Single Man Loathe (or Love) Being a Bachelor

Yesterday I found some things on Gary's computer that made me a bit crazy. Or crazier. I called him at work, said a few choice things, and he was home in less than 10 minutes. Never have I called him at work for anything. I don't feel it necessary to harass him at work. I am perfectly content in waiting until he gets home to harass him. Yesterday was the exception.

After I called him, he went to his platoon leader, Lt. S, and told him he had to go home. This is the basic conversation before Gary left...

G: Sir, I need to go home. My wife found some porn and things from the UK on my computer. She's going to leave.

LT: Go home. Deal with it. Weapons can wait.


G: The UK! I don't even like black pudding!

LT: (looking confused, but concerned) Uhm, yeah, me either. Go.

G: Roger, Sir.

::Gary comes home. We solve the problem. I take Gary back to work assuring him I will NOT leave and I WILL pick him up from work::

Conversation with LT after returning to work

LT: You know, Rob, I've seen you in firefights not even break a sweat. I've seen you when the FOB was rocketed laughing as you put on your gear. I've seen you take control of situations that make me want to piss my pants and remain calm. Your wife calls and less than 30 seconds later you're in near meltdown. What gives?

G: Love, Sir. Love.

LT: I'm not sure whether to be grateful I'm single. Or wish I had that kind of love.

G: Be sad. Be very sad. Nothing completes you more than a wife.

::in walks Sgt. L, a buddy of Gary's:

Sgt. L: Man, I'd have told her to pack her shit and get out. C'mon now.

G: I'm having a home cooked meal, going home to a clean house and a wife. What are you having for dinner at the chow hall before going back to the barracks and sleep in a twin bed all alone?

Sgt. L: Fuck you. Why do you always gotta make a point?

** The computer issue was a total misunderstanding that was solved through the help of our friendly computer guy at Hank's. Though Gary totally understood where I was coming from. All is well for now here at the Robertson household. The conversations above were relayed to me by Sgt. L. **