Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Letter To My Husband

Dear Deployed Husband Whom I Love Beyond Words:

I knew what I was getting when I married you. I knew you were in the Army. I knew you would deploy. When we got married, you were on R&R from your tour of the DMZ in Korea. I KNEW you would deploy again. I expected it. I accept it.

However, my darling, you knew you were getting married as well. It’s not as if I just showed up one day and said, “Contratuations! It’s a wife!!!” With marriage comes responsibilities. You knew when we married that you would deploy. Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, you should put some effort into our marriage even when you are deployed.

I understand the paper and envelopes you took with you were locked in the CON-EX for a few weeks. Correct me if I’m wrong, doesn’t the PX over there sell paper and envelopes? Could you not have picked some up to write to me and your son while you were waiting for your own supplies? Or borrowed some from someone. Or written on a napkin. ANYTHING. Something. The mail is free for you… utilize it.

You think nothing of telling me when something hurts your feelings. Yet, I am supposed to hold back my feelings. I’m not allowed to tell you when you hurt mine because what if you go on a patrol and you are thinking about me and you miss a sniper. Things like that.

Yes, my love, you are being shot at. You do have to avoid IED’s. I can’t claim to know what this is like. I am in awe of your bravery. Truly I am. I know I couldn’t do that. I know I would cower like a scared puppy the first time I heard the mortar sirens.

BUT… but… my life here goes on even while you are over there. Our son’s life goes on. It is hard for us here. Very hard without you. We have so much time on our hands to sit and miss and think about you. Bills still have to be paid. Dinner made. A three year old to contend with. A three year old who misses his daddy so much he has turned into a living terror. Doctor’s appointments to be kept. Simply put, our lives go on. Without you they go on, and they are harder now.

A knock on our door scares the living daylights out of me. What if it’s the dreaded knock of them coming to tell me you are gone. The ringing of the phone in the middle of the night is the same. What if it is you calling to tell me you have been seriously injured. Don’t you see what we go through?

You have often said you think it is harder on us than on you. Why, then, is this deployment all about you? Why can you not just once do something small to remind me that I count. That I’m a good wife. Please? .It would help my daily cryfest end sooner if I had something to lean on.


Your Wife

1 comment:

Fantastagirl said...

Sending you a great big hug....