Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I've been thinking....

Recently I feel as if I'm being judged by people who claim they don't judge because I dared to speak up and say so. Then when someone brought my daughter and her abortion into the mix, yeah I got defensive. I said rude things, which I later took back and apologized to the person for. That person and I have since mended fences. Yet, others have definitely judged me. They'll claim they didn't, but I notice a definite chill in their attitude towards me.

I've heard people say, "well, I only judge people based on how they treat other people." If you cheat, commit adultery, etc. then it's hypocritical to condone cheating because it didn't happen to you. Just because you like the person and they're genuinely a nice person, it's not ok to condone their actions then judge ME for saying, "hey that's wrong." What about how they treated the other person who they cheated on or their spouse or whatever? Just because you don't know that other person, what about their pain that was caused by the person's cheating?

Basically last week I feel I lost a few good friends. It hurts me a lot. I really love some of them. On the other hand, it hurts me to know that they judged me or are cool towards me for speaking my mind on something I feel strongly about. Would they rather I just sat back and was hypocritical? That would not be true to being myself -- something I'm working hard at doing.

By the way, no I am not perfect. At all. I have HUGE flaws. What I don't do is announce what I've done wrong in open forums. Though now that I think about it, judging is wrong and I did say I was judging Tara. For that I was wrong. To Tara's credit, she did admit she was wrong and deserved any harsh words, etc. That's not really true. I could've had more compassion towards her just for her situation. Not for cheating, not for getting pregnant outside the bounds of her marriage, not for wanting to abort the baby, but for being in a situation in her life that she felt those were things she needed to do to make herself happy. I've been in situations where I have done wrong things just to feel happy.

So, this blog entry has made me do some re-thinking about how I treated Tara. It's also made me sad to think of how others are treating me.


Nobody special said...

I don't know if you are talking about me or other people, but I'm going to respond cause who knows maybe I will put a new light on it. I just want to say that I hope you don't feel I am judging you. If you want to say something that is on your mind GO FOR IT! Shoot, I said what was on my mind when the whole cheating thing came up too. Sometimes you just have to say things, put them out there, and see what happens. It IS better than sitting around being a hypocrite, but it's so touchy isnt it? The only thing that made me back off a little with you was that you seemed hurt that some of us didn't jump on the band wagon with you.
I think if YOU want to say what's on your mind then you can, but dont expect me to back you up on that all the time. I felt weird saying how I felt about it all considering I had done some of the same stuff in my life time. kwim?

I know I talk too much, and you may not have even been talking about me, but our friendship is worth more than sitting here wondering if it is and not saying anything about it right? :)

On The Losing Side said...

I wasn't meaning you, at least I don't think I was. I also didn't really expect everyone to get on the bandwagon with me -- though that's what it sort of seemed like, didn't it? I got caught up in emotions. I hate that. I'm glad you responded, Angel, because our friendship means tons to me too. You're so unique and wonderful, seriously.

Ever come across a situation that you have logical feelings about, and emotional feelings about... and to reconcile the two is so hard? I'm going through that right now with the whole adultery thing. Not that it is right now part of my life. Ok yeah, I'm rambling.

Anwyay, I'm glad you responded. I was worried that you might be one who disliked me now. I don't wanna be disliked. DAMMIT!

Nobody special said...

You are too fun to dislike lol! And I could go round and ROUND about the whole adultery thing. I've been on every side of that fence. The cheater, the cheated and the other woman.

I think I have come to this conclusion..Every person is different and so, I deal with every situation differently. Where was that person at in their life and why? What was their purpose? But ya know..it's hard to know these things unless you ARE that person, so I think it is ok to form your own opinion about them based on what you know, but keep in mind that there may be other factors that we dont know.

To me it is ALWAYS wrong, but sometimes it is easier to see why some do it and understand where they were coming from, but it doesnt make it ok, just understandable. Does that even makes sense? lol

Carie said...


Mimi said...

I love you both.lol
I wish that I had the oppertunity to meet you guys, because as different as you are, I have things in common with both of you. It is so cool that you guys can be open and yet still be friends.
Don't go changin'.lol

hyka's mess said...

I'm not going to and have yet to judge you. I refuse to do that. If you want to be my friend its all good, if not, thats fine too.

If you feel like I have been ignoring you, no, I really haven't. I've had a lot going on at work and with my children the last couple of weeks.

You know I luv ya Lin, at least I hope you do.

Susan Davis said...

Forums are open for anything... protected by the 1st Ammendment and all... so if you don't like what they say, put up with it or leave, and if they don't like what you say, they can put up with it or leave. If people want to argue, they will. If they want to say mean things, they will. It's funny how anyone even dares to think they can censor people online like, "You can't judge us here!" or "You can't talk about bad things here!" But if they say something to get someone to shut up, then maybe it worked, huh? (My board was sooooo like that.)

Sometimes the Internet sucks/rocks because we are SO open with things we wouldn't dare say in-real-public. It's cool to find people who agree with you or share your experiences. However, it can be harsh to hear opposing opinions and hurt people's feelings because of things you've done.

All's fair in love and war. (I suppose.)

And I'm your friend!

KoolaidDavis said...

Hey Lin. Long time no speak. I blogged. Talk to you later!