Saturday, July 08, 2006

This is not surgery related... but I need to vent

I don't know that I'm looking for advice, but feel free if you want to throw in your two cents. Many of you probably know I have issues with Vicky's boyfriend. Vicky is my 22 year old daughter. Drew is her boyfriend. I won't go into all the issues I have with him, because it will just bore you to hear them again. Anyhow today something came up. About two weeks or so ago I was totally nuts one day -- seriously. It was when my hormones from the surgery were still gong wacko. Vicky and I got into a fight and it revolved around Drew and his family -- of course. As always. I told her that I thought his family was white trash and Drew was a loser. In retrospect, that was wrong and I shouldn't have been so judgmental.

Well later that night, she was at Drew's and was on the phone talking to her friend. Drew walked in just as Vicky was telling her friend what I had said. Now he is offended. Understandably. He told Vicky he feels he's owed an apology. I told Vicky to tell Drew I shouldn't have said that.

NOW here is my gripe... I respect that he had the self-respect to be offended. However, this is the boy (not man) that has:

* Gotten my daughter pregnant and convinced her to abort the baby. Yes, it takes two to tangle. Yes, it was her decision too. Gary and I never said a word to Drew. Many other parents would've went off on the guy.

* He lied straight to Gary's face about working when he was in fact fired from his job. This was MONTHS ago. When Vicky told Drew that he should apologize, Drew said it wasn't going to happen.

* He lived in my home for three months unemployed. The idea behind living in my house was so he could save money and get ahead. Instead he just mooched off of me.

There are other things. I guess my point is I'm willing to apologize but he sees NOTHING wrong with what he's done. I'm willing to apologize for Vicky's sake. I think Drew should too... for Vicky.


Deana said...

I think its hard, I don't know that you will change Drew. I think its good to let Vicky know how you feel, then you have to let her choose, and sadly if that is her choice, then I think you do need to be careful what you say. I would hate for this to cause a division between you and Vicky when Drew will probably be out of her life before too long. Backing off and saying sorry, to make peace, might help her to see Drew more for who he really is, rather than feeling like she needs to defend him.

More than a mom said...

Umm...IMO, you could always tell Vicky that you don't dislike Drew as a person, but then explain to her those things you just told us, and more if there is more--to help her understand where you're coming from. If you feel you need to apologize for what you said, then that's fine, but I wouldn't sugarcoat anything either. It is what it is, and I think Vicky needs to see that.

Nobody special said...

You know, maybe you could use this to your advantage. Like.."I am so sorry I said that stuff about your family, and I appologize, truely I am sorry, BUT this actually got me thinking a lot on the subject and I think having you here is a stress on my relationship with Vikki, and my mental health. If I didn't have to put up with your bull shit all the time, maybe I wouldn't be so short with every one and diss their families. Sooo get to stepping!"

Ok maybe not, but it would be fun to say right? lol
You really are too nice Lin. I'm sorry you have to put up with this bs.

Just Some Gal said...

UGH... I have to admit I'm a person that doesn't think people change all that much.

I'm sad Drew heard Vicky talking about it but you know...

I seriously DON'T think you own an apology. Something that is said in the privacy of your own home to your daughter, your hormones messed up or not... It isn't an option or up for apologies in my opinion.

I wish I could open Vicky's eyes and show her how fucked up life will be if she continues down the path Drew is taking her. I know I may be overstepping boundaries... but hell...


You're a good woman Lin, a very nice and good woman. Even during the worst moment possible you were still really nice about Drew.

hyka's mess said...

Remind Vicky that men put their BEST foot forward when dating ... if he's acting like a pig now ... its only going to go downhill from here. He wont' change ... and I'm with Angel, use it to your advantage .... however, should she really have been talking about that around HIM???