Friday, February 23, 2007

Very graphic.. could be disturbing.. Bulimia and Cutting

Gary read on my MySpace a secret. that I am bulimic and my husband knows but doesn't care. He has said nothing about that. My exact "secret" was "I'm bulimic. My husband knows but doesn't care. I eat to fill the emptiness and I purge to get rid of the hate I feel for him, myself and the world." He said nothing.

Then I gave him a letter about a week and a half ago. In it I addressed our issue of not talking, no sex, etc. He said nothing. I asked him if he got the letter. He said yes. When I asked if he had anything to say. He said, "I don't know what to say." AS USUAL. AFTER OVER FOUR FUCKING YEARS.

Finally, I told him four days ago that for each day that goes by that he refuses to talk. Refuses to acknowledge anything, I'm going to cut myself. I showed him a cut on my arm to prove it. He just blinked. Sort of clinched his jaw. Said nothing. Looked teary-eyed. Again, said nothing.

The next day, I showed him cut two. I said, "In keeping with my word..." He said he'd noticed. He said nothing.

Today is day four. You're probably asking why? How long is she going to continue this? I don't know how long. Why... I'm doing it to show him the physical manifestation of the pain inside it causes when he refuses to talk.

I keep asking myself:

* What kind of man watches his wife hurt herself over and over and refuses to talk?

* What kind of man knows his wife is bulimic and does nothing?


When will I leave??


Carie said...

I am so sorry this is going on...I am just so sorry...bu please don't hurt yourself deserve so much more than the emotional and physical pain...I wish I had some sage advice or words of wisdom, but I don't, but I do have a ear to listen with and a shoulder to lean on...I am always here as are so many..I hope he wises up and sees what an amazing woman he has...

Mimi said...

I'm with Carie, I don't have good advice, just friendship. You deserve so much better than you are getting.

hyka's mess said...

Oh sweetie .... jmo but do you think that he doesn't know what or how to say something??? I hope he finds the words and comes to realize what a wonderful wife he has! BIG HUGS!!

Susan Davis said...

I remember doing that when I was 13. Just don't cut too deep. These will heal. When you want to do this again, say this to yourself, "Let go, and Let God."

You should seek Christian help. If it's not focused on Jesus, you can almost bet that it will fail.