Friday, March 23, 2007

The song that breaks my heart.


Song: "Stupid Boy"

This song reminds me of my marriage. How I wish Gary could hear this song and realize this is how I wish he'd feel.. wake up and realize it.

I remember when I loved him so much it hurt -- the good hurt. The sweet hurt like taking a bite of chocolate and it's so very good, so very sweet it makes your taste buds ache deliciously. I loved him like that once.

This always comes to mind when I remember the achingly good love... when we had been together for about two months he had to go to the field. He lived in North Carolina, I in New Mexico. I happened to find out that the weather this one night in NC was going to be 20 degrees. Gary hates the cold with a passion. I knew he'd be sleeping outside in a sleeping bag on rocks. I remember laying in bed that night, looking out my bedroom window at the moon. I looked at the moon and I willed the warmth from my warm, cozy bed to the moon aching for the moon to then beam that warmth and comfort to Gary. I remember crying that night out of sadness that the man I loved more than life itself was cold while I was warm. Thinking that I'd freeze for the rest of my life to make him warm if only for an hour. And truly believing that.

I want that kind of love again. I think it's too late with him.

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